"I came upon a child of god. He was walking upon the road. We are star dust, billion year old carbon. We are golden and we have to get ourselves back to the garden. Can I walk to beside you? I feel to be a cog in something turning. Life is for learning." Joni Mitchell, 'Woodstock' (excerpts)
On Twitter, I am a big, fat, Greek Atheist best known for my famous rants. I wasn't always this way. I used to be a meek, obedient, good Greek girl who went to Greek School & the Greek Orthodox Church every Sunday. Yup. The little Medusa...
People have been asking me why I am an atheist. This one is for you @Cin_Le2! You asked...
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Because, after I got done packing up all my things -- including my 600 volume library of which I was so proud -- and had had dinner, and I was in bed waiting for my father... He came in with a an angry, red face. Huffing and puffing with strained breathing like he was restraining himself from attacking me, he took the hammer in his hand and pulled out the nail that held that cross to the wall, and then looked at me and said:
"YOU, you little shit are a thief. And thieves don't deserve GOD."
With that, he turned around and left. We never spoke of the cross again.
We never went to church again. My Grandmother could not convince him to return the cross to me as that was her wish.
I received my library back after 6 weeks and began reading all sorts of philosophers, wise men and women...anything and everything to decern a "GOD" and did not. I spent DECADES. I have made my decision based on what I have learned & can prove. What I cannot prove, frankly, I don't worry about proving whether or not there is a God. I got a life here to live. He can fuck with me later. I just don't have the time for him now.
Kind of like he, in his omnipresence, didn't have time to intercede into the mind of a mad man and save one of the most innocent of his beloved flock...a child. Me.
I have not spoken to my father for over 20 years. He has Bipolar disorder 3. Untreated. He is 83. He is a lunatic.
So, to Christians, I don't expect you to understand why or how I became an atheist. But you have a better insight into my personal choice. Barring this, you'll have to buy the book. I took many paths to 'spiritual' enlightenment, or whatever we're calling it today: Dogma d'jour! I respect your right to believe. Please try and use my story to understand how SOME people may have 'become' non-theists.
We all have to live on the planet together in peace. Whatever that is.
People have been asking me why I am an atheist. This one is for you @Cin_Le2! You asked...
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The Short Version
My dad caught me when I was 11 or 12 with one of his gold coins in my room. I had it to show my friends. This was back in 1972ish. He didn't believe me. Everything was taken out of my room except for a bed, desk, one chair & a dresser. This gulag type of existence lasted for six weeks. (Remember. I was a felon at 11). All I had left was the Greek cross my YiaYia (grandmother) had given to me. It comfortably hung by my bed, reassuring me that I would see her again in the summer, the happiest times of MY life. The cross was given to her by her grandmother. It would be well over 100 years old now. If I still had it.
But I don't.
Because, after I got done packing up all my things -- including my 600 volume library of which I was so proud -- and had had dinner, and I was in bed waiting for my father... He came in with a an angry, red face. Huffing and puffing with strained breathing like he was restraining himself from attacking me, he took the hammer in his hand and pulled out the nail that held that cross to the wall, and then looked at me and said:
"YOU, you little shit are a thief. And thieves don't deserve GOD."
With that, he turned around and left. We never spoke of the cross again.
We never went to church again. My Grandmother could not convince him to return the cross to me as that was her wish.
I received my library back after 6 weeks and began reading all sorts of philosophers, wise men and women...anything and everything to decern a "GOD" and did not. I spent DECADES. I have made my decision based on what I have learned & can prove. What I cannot prove, frankly, I don't worry about proving whether or not there is a God. I got a life here to live. He can fuck with me later. I just don't have the time for him now.
Kind of like he, in his omnipresence, didn't have time to intercede into the mind of a mad man and save one of the most innocent of his beloved flock...a child. Me.
I have not spoken to my father for over 20 years. He has Bipolar disorder 3. Untreated. He is 83. He is a lunatic.
So, to Christians, I don't expect you to understand why or how I became an atheist. But you have a better insight into my personal choice. Barring this, you'll have to buy the book. I took many paths to 'spiritual' enlightenment, or whatever we're calling it today: Dogma d'jour! I respect your right to believe. Please try and use my story to understand how SOME people may have 'become' non-theists.
We all have to live on the planet together in peace. Whatever that is.
Haunting on many levels.
ReplyDeleteI understand your skepticism. And agree.
This is deep. My own loss of religion wasn't nearly as...well, I don't know what to say, but thanks so much for telling your story.
ReplyDelete